A Love Of A Different Kind
by brierlynn03
Summary: As a young woman Esme Platt thinks she's met the love of her life. But once married he shows her who he really turning her world upside down. TRIGGER WARNING! Contains pure evil. Verbal spousal abuse, adultery, miscarriage, and pain. Eventual HEA. NOT for everyone!


VERY IMPORTANY AUTHORS NOTE!

TRIGGER WARNING! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! CONTAINS PURE EVIL, VERBAL SPOUSAL ABUSE, ADULTRY, MISCARRIAGE AND PAIN. EVENTUAL HEA OF SORTS! NOT FOR EVERYONE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone who celebrates!

This depressing little bunny came to me after reading a chapter of another fic that dealt with miscarriage and it reminded me of my own several years ago. I was not in a good place in my life and this story is based off that time. Yes it is depressing. My real life has never really been known to be happy. But, I am thankful for the lessons that time taught me. I will always miss my child I never met. But know that I will see them again someday. Why pick Thanksgiving to post this? This time of year was when I was dealing with what I write about. Thank you MarieCarro for suggesting I write this when I was not having a good day over my feelings over it! You really helped give me motivation. A HUGE THANK YOU TO Izzy Nava for your HUGE AMOUNTS OF LOVE AND SUPPORT THROUGH THIS DRAINING TALE. Love you girl! Please check both ladies out! They both have amazing stories! Without further delay... Brier

Summary:

As a young woman, Esme Platt thinks she's met the love of her life. But once they get married, he shows her who he really is turning her world upside down/.

I met the man I thought was the love of my life when I was twenty-four years old. When we met, we talked for hours on the phone. He made me feel loved, wanted and appreciated. He was a nursing school student so that he could eventually become a nurse to pay his way through Seminary to be a Pastor. He had dreams of his own church, helping people learn about their faith in God and themselves and raising a family. He was well-spoken, and when he preached, you were taken aback by his conviction and powerful voice. He was living in a church plant home. What that meant for him, he got free room and board but he needed to try to be a light to the outside world. A tall order for that gang and drug-infested neighborhood. His name was Charles Evenson.

We knew that we were in this relationship for the long haul. In my heart, Charles was the man I was supposed to be with. I was going to stand by him while he went to Seminary. I was going to be with him while he preached at his church. We were going to have a family. Annabelle Joy was going to be our daughters name. Asher Orion our son.

One day, we went ring shopping to see what I would like. He showed me several rings that I now know were similar to what he had picked and I hated them. I fell in love with two amazing rings. One had a wedding band with it and was a sideways oval. The other, a simple princess cut with a thin Tiffany band. Both rings were on sale and less than $900 for both. Which was a very good deal. He was angry at me for not liking what was better for me. That should have been a flag. A flag I ignore. Like many others sadly.

After two months of dating, we became engaged on my birthday. It was a sad morning after, once I really looked at my ring. This should have been another clue that there was something wrong with my relationship with him. I was clear in my request for an engagement ring. Or so I thought. I wanted a plain thin Tiffany style setting with a diamond of any shape or size but round and marquise. I was even open to other gemstones. A friend of his gave a family heirloom as a ring to his now wife and the friend asked if I would except a ring like that, even if it did not fit what I asked for. Of course I would have! Even if it wasn't what I wanted. I would have loved that he wanted me to have something so precious to his family!

What I got was a round diamond with a cathedral setting. That he had apparently spent a long time picking to ensure it was perfect for me. Ten hours worth. Because he knew what I would want better than me. We went to get my ring resized and the woman who sold him the ring was there. I asked her what he said I wanted and she said it did not matter. I tried to find a wedding band to match, but I hate a lot of bling and wanted a simple plain wedding band. She got angry for wasting her time and telling me that I should have been thankful to have a man who loves me so much in spite of my issues with being taken care of. Her manager was appalled but did nothing. I asked her if I had come in asking for a simple band with any stone shape but round or marquise what would she have done. She said rounds are better and since I did not find my wedding band there, I never would. She was almost right. It took almost nine months to find it. A simple band that wrapped around my ring. Since a plain band couldn't fit snug because of a bump on the bottom of the band.

We planned an October wedding. It was beautiful, but not really what I wanted. I hated it. I hated our honeymoon. We started fighting. He never hit me, but he belittled me. I did almost nothing right. Dinner was not on time. The house was not clean enough after his family left. My family should not come over with the house a mess like it was and he would tell them what a terrible cleaner and cook I was.

One my family came over for a small get together right before Christmas. My one cousin, Kate, laughed when Charles complained at the clutter of his home and said "While this is dirty to you, my house this dirty would make me a happy woman. I see no dust, I see no dirt other than by the shoes at the front door. But, it is December in Upstate NY, the day after a huge snowstorm. Kind of expect a little snow mess now and then. And if it bothers you, Charles, then you clean it, Esme is busy with finishing the pies and other food items which I did not see you lift a finger to help with."

He got angry. "I made sure she got up to do it! I work you know!" Everyone laughed.

"SO does she. How many hours this week did she put in? Sixty-four? What did you do? Forty? Sorry. Oh. And wasn't she beat up and hospitalized this week and shouldn't she not be carrying things? Oh right. She needs to cook. And she didn't work sixty-four hours. It was only Sixty. My bad." I called for help from her kids and they came. They were instantly dismissed.

"You will never have your family in my home again. And if this keeps up, you will never see them again. Understand?" That was not the right thing to say in front of my cousin Kate's husband, Garrett. Garrett has always loved and protected me for as long as I have known him. Probably almost twenty years at that point. He looked like he was ready to kill Charles.

"I wouldn't make threats that you can't keep, oh mighty man of God. Remember, what you say has more weight than a normal man like me. Also remember, this little woman is my family. And as a family, we protect our own. If you need to get away honey, please come over anytime. Day or night. No questions asked. Now, there are tables that need to be set. Seth! Leah! Come get the table settings for dinner from Auntie Esme!" The kids came back running and grabbed what was needed then set the tables. Garrett and Kate helped me to bring the food in. A ham, turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, two kinds of stuffing, sweet potatoes, biscuits, corn, carrots, and broccoli. We said grace and ate in uncomfortable silence. My mother, Reneta tried to say how good the food was, and was told that her opinions did not matter. The rest of my family agreed and they were politely told where their opinions could go in his home. The stuffings were not good. The turkey and ham were not how HE would have made them. Nothing was as he would have made it. Therefore, it was barely editable. Little Seth, bless his heart, came running to me and gave me the biggest hug and said that he loved my food.

"Auntie Esme! I love you and your food! I only wish you made my favorite peanut butter pie. But I understand that you didn't because of Leah's new peanut allergy. Thank you for cooking our meal! I love you!" He hugs me and runs back to his food. I smiled thanking him for his kind words. I looked around the table and saw uncomfortable faces. Except for my husband's. His was pure hatred.

"Young man, did you not hear what I said?" Oh, that was the wrong thing to say to Garrett's son.

"Yes I did, Uncle Charles. But, just because you did not like it did not mean the rest of us wouldn't. It is how our family cooks. So, at our family functions, you will see we eat this way. No big deal!" Seth said with a grin. Bless his heart. Nothing more was said until it was time to clean up.

When dinner was finished, I started the dishes. Knowing I could not go to sleep until they were done. My family would have long left, but Garrett was adamant that I join for the gift-giving and that dishes could wait. Of course, Charles did not agree, since the dishes are important. Kate, Garrett, Aunt Carmen, and Uncle Eleazar each got up and started putting everything away and doing the dishes. I tried to stop them, but they got upset at my demands. Renata and Felix, my mother and father, tried to talk to my husband to keep him focused on not coming into the kitchen. They knew it would not end well if he went in there. My other cousins and Uncles and Aunts were shocked at the show in front of them. Thankfully, all the kids present were too busy chasing each other in the postage-stamp-sized backyard to care. Thank God for that.

The food was put away and the dishes washed, dried and put away. Christmas gifts were opened. Of course, all the children were spoiled. We adults kept the gift-giving limits to each other to $25 each couple. Which also pissed off Charles. Because we had to share the gifts.

"These rules are stupid! Next year, we will not be spending money on anyone!"

Everyone ignored him and tried to have a good time. He eventually left the room in a fit, going to our room. We played games and laughed. I hated the fact that I knew they all would eventually leave. When they did, every one of them offered to let me stay with them if needed. I knew no matter how bad it got, divorce was not an option. So, I thanked everyone for coming and they left.

I finished cleaning the downstairs of the house we shared. It was built in 1912 and like many homes in the city of Schenectady, NY area was a two-story home close to its neighbor. It had two bedrooms, a bath and a half, a full walkup attic and walk down finished basement. Beautiful kitchen and hardwood floors throughout. A dining room and living room were in the back of the home with the kitchen in the front. Very unlike most of the homes in the neighborhood. Most kitchens are in the back and living rooms in the front. We were lucky to have an eat-in kitchen and dining area. Most don't have both. I love this home. It feels like a home. Too bad it doesn't feel like my home.

Like I had thought, I was in trouble with Charles. My punishment was more cleaning tomorrow and no cuddles or any kind of physical attention. I just let it go. Should have been another sign.

We went to church the next day, and everyone could feel the tension off of us. Sadly. That was the true start of our downfall to our marriage. I wish I had left then.

Eventually, he got over himself. He calmed down after the new year and went back to being a nice husband. Winter turned into spring, and slowly things got bad again. Sadly, his parents, James and Victoria are getting divorced after twenty-eight years of marriage. Apparently, James found a new love of his life. A woman he went to high school with and dated named Lauren. The story goes that they found each other on Facebook and started talking to each other. After several months, they fell back in love. James asked for a divorce from Victoria and that started Charles thinking that he wanted out. At the time, I was unaware of this development in my marriage. I was trying to be a good wife and make sure Charles was okay with the new changes. He had a rough time with it. Little did I realize it was because he watched James go from being a sad married man to a happily unmarried one.

Anytime that I got upset, or cried, Charles wanted me to get away from him. Anytime I was sick, I was faking it. When I was sad when my Grandma Grace passed away, he wanted me to get over myself. "She lived a long life, bitch. Grow the fuck up!"

Me spending money for something for me was not okay for him. Even though it may have been needed. I needed two new outfits for my Grandma Grace's Catholic wake and funeral and Victoria offered to take me shopping. I got three outfits, two pairs of shoes and new undergarments for less than $100. I got yelled at for over an hour for that offense. He wanted me to take them back. I called his mother Victoria and asked her if she thought something was wrong with my new purchases. She guessed her son did not approve of the money spending and told him that I worked hard to spend that money. Once in a while, it was fine. They argued about how I spend a lot of money all the time. He took the time to list the groceries, cleaning supplies, and Bible Club supplies I bought recently. Victoria laughed.

"Charles, those things do not count. Those things are things you need to buy no matter what. You going to fast every day? I am sure those kids who come for Bible studies every Tuesday love the treats she buys them. Didn't you tell me that sometimes some of these kids don't eat outside of school? Esme is a lovely woman for providing a safe place for these kids to come and eat. You should be ashamed that you think so lowly of what she is spending the money on. Especially if you have no bills there." And she was right.

Some of those kids, the only good food they got was from us. I do not know how many times some of those kids would be hungry and come over hoping I was home. They knew I would feed them. It truly depressed me that some of these kids, some as young as six years old went without food, clean clothes, and baths while their older family members had all those things and more. Some of them had alcohol and drugs. It was truly depressing.

And Child Protective Services won't get involved since these kids have familial ties to several different local and national gangs. One of the kids has been crying to me because he is being forced to join his older brother's gang. Where are the parents? No idea. They are living with an aunt who is drunk and drugged out of her mind all the time. These kids live in a small three-bedroom apartment with broken windows, doors, and walls and that is fine. The fact that twelve people lived in that kind of a shit whole was appropriate. These kids won't amount to much anyway so why try? It truly pissed me off. Later, I found out why these kids were not allowed to leave. There were too many investigations going on into these gangs that if the kids left, then so did some of their informants, or so I heard through the grapevine. What a scary though.

Charles was not happy that his mother was on my side. Needless to say, I was yelled at and ignored for almost a month over it. Except when it was time to be with my father's family. Then he tried to make me look bad in front of them. Not that that took much. Many were already afraid of me due to my refusal to take medication for my bipolar schizophrenia that I supposedly had, which I didn't. Charles learned of this and used it for his advantage. As a nurse, he knew all about my supposed diagnosis. He gave people false information about me and told everyone behind my back that I was lucky he was a God-fearing man or he would have left me a long time ago. My family rallied around him and ignored me. Nothing new there.

Time went on and Charles's work schedule was changing. He went from working days to adding a lot of nights as well. He would be angry that dinner was not done the second he got home. How could it if he could be home between 4:15-11:45 p.m.? He would not want leftovers, so I would have to make a fresh meal for him once he got home. Which he didn't like waiting for me.

I was useless. Stupid. He should have never married me. He wished I would just die since he couldn't divorce me himself. That would make his life better. He would get my life insurance money and he would be able to marry a better woman. The real woman God had in store for him. I got depressed. Every day he kept telling me to die. Every day he said he wanted out. I finally told him if he was not happy to leave me. To divorce me. How those words would bite me later.

One day I got tired of myself being depressed. I got an appointment for my doctor and she suggested I take a mild antidepressant. When I told Charles he was unhappy about this. It took three weeks for him to agree I was depressed. He then told me what to take. I went to my doctor and told her what Charles researched and she prescribed it for me. I took the meds and noticed a change for the better. He eventually noticed too. He didn't seem happy about it. But, I was not willing to change back to the depressed woman I was. No matter what.

The meds were working but, I needed a little more help. A therapist was suggested and I got an appointment. That is where I met Benjamin Russo. He was a sweet man who helped me see the controlling nature of Charles. The medication that I was on was not what I should have been on. As a child, I had an allergic reaction to cough medicine and my reaction was grand mal seizures. He knew this. The medication he wanted me on you were not supposed to take it if you had a history of seizures, as it can cause them in most people. Ben was very upset when he asked me to being Charles to come in to my next appointment so they could discuss my medication needs. When I spoke to Chales about this, he was happy to be involved with my medical decisions. I was finally seeing sense. We went to my next appointment and Ben went off on Charles. Charles's medication choice could have killed me or someone else. If I had a seizure while driving, the damage that would have caused. Charles tried to get me to stop seeing Ben which I refused. I needed this for me. I was no longer going to be Charles's doormat.

I suddenly became sick. Food and other smells made me sick. It was rather odd. I was on birth control, an implant, so I never suspected pregnancy. One of my coworkers suggested pregnancy and I took several tests that came back negative. She told me to wait a week and try again. I did until I finally made an appointment with my ob-gyn and they did a blood test. When I got the results back, I was shocked to find out I was pregnant. I was so excited and so scared. These pregnancies could be high risk in nature, because taking out the implant will most likely abort the child. But leaving it in can cause birth defects or miscarriage. Or a healthy baby. I needed to not be stressed and to keep on my meds. I just needed to wait to tell Charles. He was not going to take it well, I just knew it. He did not want children just yet. Maybe in five years, after he was done with school and had a church we could talk about it.

Charles kept up his bantering spirit with my being useless. He was not happy with my being sick all the time. Sadly, with him being mean to me, it didn't help my self-esteem. I wasn't supposed to be stressed and here I was stressed out to the max. I wanted out but had no way out.

Shortly after, my world turned on its head.

Two days before my birthday, I went into our bedroom where he was forcing himself to cry. At the time, I had thought they were real tears. I later realized he was playing me. He told me he felt bad because he hugged a female coworker. I asked him why that would bother me. Friends hug each other. After several hours he told me that the hugs lead to kisses and oral sex. He didn't cheat on me though. I was pissed. Here I am pregnant with his child that is high risk because I was on the implant when we conceived. He was willing to have sex with the woman, Tanya if I wanted to divorce him. That way, I would have a Biblical divorce. I was pissed. I told him I needed some time to think things through but I wasn't leaving him.

Not sure why, it took a few days to cool off. I eventually calmed down enough to see our families for my birthday. I had planned to come out with my pregnancy at that point. When we were with our mothers, I let them and Charles know I was pregnant. Yeah. It did not go over well when everyone was on the same page with the implant.

Charles eventually said that he hoped I lost the baby. I was not worthy to carry his child. Any child that I bore would not be smart enough for him. And God forbid if the was as stupid as me, he could never love it. That truly hurt me to the core.

My child was innocent. My child did not deserve to not be loved by his or her father. My Annabelle Joy or Asher Orion deserved a father that loved them. I prayed often for my baby and what was best for them. I prayed to God's will be done in my and his or her life.

He told me that he was angry that I was pregnant and his beloved Tanya was not. I was not surprised by this. She was 42 years old and had two children. One was sixteen and the ten. The ten-year old a nonverbal and totally wheelchair-bound. There is nothing wrong with that. But with her age and preexisting conditions that made her not a good candidate for children, I was shocked he would try. As a nurse no less.

Time goes by and Thanksgiving is coming soon. Normally, it is a time to spend with family and those you love. I was still a mess when Thanksgiving came around and I wanted to spend time with my family that I don't get to see too often, since I did not want to be with Charles or some of my local family. I asked my Aunt Rachel and Uncle Paul who live about two and a half hours away if they would like my company. They agreed full-heartedly. So, I told Charles my plans and he was happy to see me leave. I was sure he was going to see Tayna while I was gone, but I almost did not care. I was to come home the day after Thanksgiving. I told him that I will be with my family and I will be Black Friday shopping with Rachel, so it would in part depend on that. I was told I could spend no more than $50. I laughed inside. He just bought a motorcycle without my permission, but I can't buy his family and mine Christmas gifts? Not happening.

I went there the day before. My cousins, Brady and Colin were excited to see me. I was excited to be at my home away from home. We laughed and made a ton of memories. Thursday was spent cooking with Aunt Rachel and eating. Then plotting our shopping plans, going through each sales flier carefully. We then picked where we were going shopping and for what. I mainly helped them get the things they needed, since there was nothing that I really needed. The five of us went to all the different stores to get the must-have items for the boys' Christmas gifts. I found a few things for gifts for my family. On our way back to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Paul's, we stopped by the local twenty-four-hour dinner that is a must when I visit. We ordered our food and ate, laughing almost to the point of crying. We went back to the house, unloaded the car and went to bed. It was nearly four A.M when my head hit the pillow. Several hours later, we woke up, ate leftovers and let Charles know that I was leaving soon, reminding him it is about a three hour drive back home. He ignored me.

When I got home, every light was off. The heat was off. How nice of him! There was a note on the kitchen table.

Esme:

I waited for an hour and a half for the woman I hate to come home. You lied when you said you would be home soon. God help you for that. I am going to the place where I am wanted and appreciated. I will see you when I feel like it. If I ever feel like it.

Don't Call Me.

I HATE YOU-

Charles

I cried. God knows what he is doing with her. But, I was angry. I called our pastor and asked him for help. Pastor Marcus was more than willing to help. I told him where she lived and he met me there. Thankfully for me, I knew where she lived since there was a party we were invited to at the apartment complex she lived in and she made the mistake of telling me that she lived in one of the neighboring buildings.

Marcus stood behind me and I knocked on the door I thought was Tanya's. It was Charles and Tanya's coworker, Corine. Corine was surprised to see me, but was nice enough to let me relax for a bit before I really confronted them then brought me to Tanya's apartment. When I rang the doorbell, Charles opened the door like he was expecting someone and looked pissed. Marcus asked to come in and Charles granted us access.

Thankfully, her sons were in bed by the time we got there. Or it would have been really awkward for everyone. Marcus asked Charles what he was doing with Tanya and he said that he needed to be somewhere where he was wanted. I lied to him saying that I was going to be home soon. He waited long enough that I should have been home. Marcus asked me where I was and I told him where I was. Marcus asked Charles how long he waited for me and he said an hour and a half. Marcus looked at him like he lost his mind.

"Charles. It takes at least two and a half or three hours to get there from here. It is not reasonable to think Esme would have been home in an hour and a half. You should have been together for Thanksgiving as a since you weren't, am I safe to assume you were here with Tanya?" Charles shakes his head no.

"I went to my Mom's." Tanya laughed at Charles's response.

"You came here afterward. We played board games with the kids. Then you spent the night love since your ball and chain was not going to be home to harass you. It was a great night. I hope things end like I hope." I was sick to my stomach. Knowing I was pregnant and Charles did not want our baby hurt.

"You know that I am pregnant Tanya? And Charles wants nothing to do with my baby. He hopes that I miscarry since I am not smart enough to carry his child. Who's to say that Charles won't think in a few months that you are also not worthy of his child after you are pregnant? What happens if you don't get pregnant? What happens if I choose to stay married to Charles? He wants to be a pastor you know. I feel God has a calling on his life to preach and he would help the world with his wisdom. But, he would not be able to if he is married to me and in a relationship with you. What kind of relationship is that for you? Or me really? I want to honor the vows I made before my and Charles's family, friends, and God. I am sorry that I am making your life more difficult Tanya. I never asked for this. I hope you two make the right choices. For your families." I looked at Marcus and said I was ready to go home.

"Do you want Charles to come home as well?" Marcus asked me.

"I do. But I will not force him. He is a grown man. But if he does not, I feel there should be consequences. He is a respected man of the church. His words and actions hold power. While I do not want our dirty deeds for the world to know, maybe he needs time to reevaluate his calling to be a pastor." I got up and headed to the door. The look on Tanya and Charles faces would have killed me if they could have. Marcus said something to them and Charles's took a defensive stance in front of Tanya.

"You should not be protecting Tanya. You should be protecting your wife, Charles. Your family. What Esme said is right. She can't force you to do the right thing. But I do think that you should rethink you becoming a pastor under care of the church. At least until you know what you want of your family. Esme and the baby she is carrying. That baby is a blessing and a miracle. I pray that what she said is not true you don't want the baby she carries and you want a baby with a woman who is not your wife. A true man would love any child his wife gives him. Whether it is in the timeline that he planned or not. Be the man I know you are. Love your wife and family. Protect them. Honor them. Remember you are called to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. I do think you should go home to your wife Charles. Didi and I will be calling you and Esme to see what you decide to do. Yes, my wife knows about this. She needed to know where I was going at this time of night, with who, and why. I told her because that is what a husband does. If you are ready Esme, let's go." Marcus met me at the door. I left walking towards Corine's apartment. I thanked her for her help and went home.

About an hour later, Charles came home. I was in the bedroom knitting. He came into our room and cried. I left him alone, bringing my knitting with me. I sent a text to Marcus thanking him and telling him Charles was home. Marcus was happy to help and will be praying for healing in our marriage. Charles stayed away from me unless to sleep. He refused to talk to me. I refused to talk to him. I still cooked, cleaned, and did laundry like I normally did. I prayed for him and us.

He eventually realized that he was wrong. He agreed to stop seeing her. He wanted to be a pastor and knew he needed me to do that. He never discussed our baby. But I was okay with small steps. He looked into different seminaries, ignoring the one in town. He thought we would be better off away from everyone. God told me to stay. And to stay where we are not to move. Nothing good was going to come out of moving. I am grateful I didn't leave when Charles asked me too. He tried to alienate me from everyone. But I was stubborn. I was not going to leave my family while my marriage was on shaky ground. Not with a baby on the way. My precious little miracle.

Charles never hit me. He tried to make me think he was going to. The scaring tactics he was using would use against me were to try to get me to miscarry our child. When he informed me he was leaving me for Tanya, I took half of our savings and tried to get ready to be alone. Raising our child alone. I debated whether or not Annabelle or Asher would be a Platt or an Evenson. I had time to think about it.

He came back to me. I knew it was a ploy to get what he thought was his money back. He wanted to buy a house in the city. Not a smart move since the city had a lot of issues including high taxes.

After about a month, he told me that God told him to punish me for my disobedience with the money. Until I returned the money, he would not give me any affection or talk to me. Other than in public for appearances sake. I had no idea what to do but I just went with it. God will protect me and my child.

When I was about three months pregnant, on my day off when the worst pain I ever imagined hit me like a ton of bricks. My anxiety went through the roof. That was when I lost my baby. It about killed me.

Charles was happy about the loss. He was not ready for a child. Especially not my child. I was sad that my unborn baby never had a father that loved them. After some more therapy, I realized that while the loss sucked, my child would be loved in heaven and someday I would see them. It helped me get through the pain and anxiety.

I prayed constantly that God would save our marriage. I prayed for guidance and strength. I also prayed that if it was time to leave that God would tell me to run. I prayed I would never hear God tell me to run.

Charles and I went to therapy together when I would not divorce him despite it being what he wanted. He went reluctantly. We went through three counselors including our pastor. We had been in and out of counseling for about a year when I had heard God tell me to run. A neighbor's friend nearly kicked me in the stomach as he tried to kick the door down as I opened it. Charles was ranting and raving about something. Making threats, some against me. Charles was breaking things throwing them across the room. Poor Diego! He thought Charles was beating me! He hated that he almost kicked me. I was grateful he'd risk going back to jail to save me. After that, he and several of the neighbors, his friend, Fred, Fred's daughter Amber, Amul, and Harry kept an eye on me. I was grateful for their protection. This was when God screamed for me to run.

Just shy of our second wedding anniversary, I filed for divorce. I was at peace that Charles was not going to change. He wanted things 100% his way and I would not stand for it anymore.

During that time, I grew and became a woman that I felt my child would have been proud of. A mother I wish I could have been for them. My Annabelle. My Asher.

I will always have a special place in my heart for my Annabelle Joy or my Asher Orion. I never knew if my child was a girl or a boy, but I thought it was a girl. Either way, I loved that baby with everything I had.

After my divorce, I met a man who I later married. His name is Carlisle Cullen. He knew of my brokenness between my marriage and my child. He loved me when I thought I was unlovable. We married and became pregnant with a little girl. Our little Angela. To honor my heavenly Angel who watches us. Carlisle dotes on her and loves her with everything he has. The way I wished that my first child would have had, but it made me love Carlisle all the more. We were not trying to have another when our Edward was conceived. But our Edward made our family complete. Carlisle loves both of our children with everything he has. He loves me even more than I ever thought possible. I am grateful to God for him and our children.

While I hate the pain I went through with Charles and my baby that never came, it makes me appreciate what I have all the more. I realize today the child would be about six years old today. What would they look like? Would they be loving and caring? Or hateful and mean because of their father? Would I have been stuck in that marriage for their sake, but really it be for their own detriment? I hate that thought. Would there have been other children?

Would I have been stuck in a loveless marriage who a man who constantly cheats? A man who became a preacher to spread God's word? Would he have been a good or a bad preacher? I don't doubt he would have been effective. He would have been too effective. I feel God's peace knowing that he can't preach his hateful thoughts anymore since we divorced. In a dream one night, I was told that the marriage and divorce had to happen to ensure that the souls that he would have preached to would be saved. And my child was with Him. Happy and waiting. That gave me some peace.

Because if I had stayed, I very much doubt I would still be alive one way or another. That's for another time.

I will always have a place in my heart for my child in heaven. A Love Of A Different Kind.


End file.
